I am so insecure about making mistakes and looking ridiculous in public.
Somehow this insecurity is directly related as to why I never eat alone.
God forbid someone actually sees me eat by myself: Does he have any friends? First time here? He really ordered that? Haha, loser.
Believe me, I understand how ridiculous this sounds. 🤦♂️
I did eventually overcome the insecurity.
Circumstances beyond my control forced to eat alone. In addition, I decided to make some stupid commitment to not look at my phone, no idea why.
Difficulty level was extreme. I actually started physically sweating. I must have had the thought about grabbing my phone dozens of times in the first minute.
That first minute was hell. Had to have been. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" rang through my head. (Matthew 27:46).
Having your phone up while you're eating offers the plausibility that you are doing something important.
Think about it: What exactly do you do with your body if you can't use a phone or book to shield you? I suppose you could just keep your head down and stare at your food.
If you muster the courage to lift your head up while you eat by yourself you enter bold territory my friend. You risk strangers peering directly into your soul. Judging you for all your weakness an shame.
Deep in my heart I knew that I needed this moment. I needed to grow as a human being. If I was insecure about eating by myself, just how deep do these insecurities go? 🤔
So I did it. I lifted my head. Fork in my right hand. Bite after bite. I lifted my head and watched. Watched the sea of people, cars, and traffic whisking by. I was confronting my social anxieties head on! #brave #courageous
"Don't look down. Keep going! You can do it!", I cheered myself on.